Dear Friend, it is Sunday March 13 and I would like to address the issue of abusive relationships within marriages. After operating this crisis intervention website for over a year, I can safely tell you that no other trigger that provokes the thoughts of suicide are those feelings that arise after years of involvement in an abusive marriage relationship. And so I am posting this page with the knowledge that it will be a 'work in progress' as I don't know a lot about this problem, but I do know that God's will is that we live free of fear in all aspects of our lives including within our marriages.

After speaking with a good number of individuals who found themselves in an abusive marriage, it appears that the abuser succeeds at keeping the abused spouse in the relationship mainly by one motivating factor - fear. And fear can so cripple your emotions that it skews the way you process the information you need to help yourself. That's why a person who is in an abusive marriage needs to find support outside of the family relationship, so they can begin to see the situation as it really is, and not candy coat it thinking that it'll get better over time. That is not likely to happen, as the abuser has learned that their hostility gets them responses that gives them the impression that they are in control. We all need to feel like we are in control, as life is too difficult to live without the confidence that we can handle what comes our way. Most likely the abuser  was abused growing up and so they are merely reacting out of a fear-based mentality that was instilled in them growing up. If they knew how they could get favorable responses to the problems of life by faith in God instead of faith in their ability to whip people into shape, they would see how so much easier it is for them and for everyone around them to respond to life God's way.

Let's talk about who empowers the abuser. The first thing you must realize it that the enemy of the abused person is not the abusive partner. The real enemy is Satan. The abusive spouse is merely a channel through which Satan is free to bring chaos into the home. The abuser has this false feeling of control when in actuality they themselves are merely puppets gleefully played with by Satan and his host of demons. Satan's goal is to steal, kill and destroy (See John 10:10). But Satan can only do his evil actions through people. Thus, if he can convince you that you are powerless to stop yourself from abusing people, or that you are powerless to stop the abused person from abusing you, then you are a sitting duck for him to steal in your life. He will steal your peace of mind, he will steal the peace that is meant to be in your home, he will steal the health of your physical body as it gets assaulted by the abuser (or assaulted by stress-related illnesses). He will steal your finances as the finances become mismanaged by a person who ruled by fear. He will steal everything you've got if you let him. And that is the key - if you let him.

So what can a person do to stop Satan? The first thing a person who is being abused must do is pray. It is not God's will that the abused person suffer in this way and it grieves God terribly to see people at odds with each other especially within the home environment. The home is meant to be a place of sanctuary from the outside forces, a place where love is meant to flourish have free course so that, that which is practiced in the home can be modeled effectively outside the home to a lost and dying world. So, by praying, you open the door for God to begin His restoration work to take place within the relationship. But as you will learn from this website, prayer is not enough. We need to couple our prayers with action. Prayer plus action equals faith, and it is faith that gets God's attention. Thus the next thing an abused person needs to find is support from outside sources. Many cities have support groups and even places to live for short time spans if need be so a person can 'regroup' so they can plan their next move at seeing the abuse stop in their home. If fear is preventing them from leaving the abusive environment, they will need extra support, perhaps spiritual help found at a good local church. If you feel you need to find a good church near you to lean on during this transition time in your home, please go to my Church Search page and I will give you some characteristics to look for in a good church.

The next thing a person needs to do is set boundaries for their life. It was the lack of boundaries that allowed this problem to begin with in the first place. The abuser would never have got into this unhealthy pattern of acting if the people they were abusing found some way to disallow the abuser to do his evil work. I realize that some abused people are not physically strong enough to defend themselves from their attacker, in that case they really need extra care and counseling to walk through this time of healing. But ultimately, the abused person needs to realize how precious their lives are, and that they are by no means deserving of the attacks and certainly not responsible for the attacks. No, the abuser must take full responsibility for their actions if they ever want to see freedom from this terrible habit.

As time goes on I will add more to his page, but I think you have a good amount of information to begin with.

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